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I Want to Hold It So Close

by B Pictures

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1.
Revolution Star 02:36
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If I could catch my breath I’d tell you just what I feel I’m sure we could make it We could make it such a lovely meal Twice as nice and not split in two The world revolves around me and you Around me and you If there’s pain in the past Here’s a rule for today There is nothing now Nothing I’m afraid to say Twice as nice and not split in two The world revolves around me and you Around me and you If it all should end tomorrow If the sun’s not smart I’m sure we could make it We could make it on another star Twice as nice and not split in two The world revolves around me and you Around me and you
2.
Vivisection 03:59
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Troubled hands in the wishing well Though the water’s dark and it’s hard to tell Can you cut the pie into easy pieces? Trim back the fat to be where the meat is? I want to save it from falling apart I want to hold it so close Open it up find the love on the bone Strange is the sorrow that grows She hangs from the plaster, her wool up to dry A face framed in windows, wondering why This time it’s for me, this time it’s for real A revival, a panic, hey, what do you feel? I want to save it from falling apart I want to hold it so close Open it up find the love on the bone Strange is the sorrow that grows What’s the worthy rite in a relationship? Where’s the sharpest knife when the tension slips? There’s blood on the carpet, there’s a hole in your heart If you’re not painting with blisters, then where is your art? I want to save it from falling apart I want to hold it so close Open it up find the love on the bone Strange is the sorrow that grows
3.
Love That Ends 03:45
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Rainy days, lonely days Always win, they always win Listening, I’m listening For you again, your ghost again Over and over, and over again In a sleeping dream a nightmare swells From a broken wall I hear a picture fall In love again — a love that ends And we may be getting close To the point of change and collision We may be getting close To the poison in my dreams Darkest nights, velvet nights Like careless friends they draw me in Mystery, my history Recklessly intrudes again Over and over, then over again That creeping dream, invades my brain It’s in my mind; it’s in my mouth The bitter taste of love that ends And we may be getting close To the point of change and collision We may be getting close To the poison in my dreams
4.
But a Dream 03:03
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I’ll chase you through the garden My feet would surely bleed To catch you behind the old shed Well, that would be a dream This life is but a dream This life is but a dream To catch you behind the old shed... Should we couple in the moss bed True green my heart would be To feel your very next breath Well, that would be a dream This life is but a dream This life is but a dream To feel your very next breath... If I drag you up the staircase This house would burn, indeed To feel your very lovely breasts Well, that would be a dream This life is but a dream This life is but a dream To catch you only half dressed...
5.
We Melt Away 02:56
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Seven prayers, a week melts away Too little time to find you out Too little time to realize A wasted basket of temporary fruit He wills himself to it His cause for even asking why Or telling you the truth “It happens every now and again” He might say Travel a distance without knowing why Suffer a circle of vague emotions And by far I’m without you tonight I find it so easy to shut my eyes (I will myself to it) Listen for sounds that might make me Feel much better “It happens every now and again” I would say to you Seven prayers, a week melts away Too little time we spend on love And by far I’m without you tonight
6.
Johnny Lament 03:57
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Radio’s been barking again In your cold and empty room I heard it talking death and sin Just like Mr. Gloom Saddest tales of the world How many promises have you heard? Despair and reasons, never why How long can you work? And I’d love to say I cannot stand another lament Truth is my heart is heavy As cement An old town sleeps tonight So silent in the dirty fog Tell me now, can you Where have the long nights gone? I awake out of touch With this face in the mirror And nothing ever seems to get Ever any clearer And I’d love to say I cannot stand another lament Truth is my heart is heavy As heavy as cement Radio’s been barking again In your cold and empty room I heard it talking death and sin Just like Mr. Gloom
7.
Sad Punk 04:07
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A lot of ideas come and go A lot of lives fast and slow Some things you must leave behind I’ll gladly open the door I’d happily watch you go Some things you must leave behind Tenderness will never show an honest face Happiness prefers you stupid in your place So, leave it behind, Tom, leave it behind The past is seldom ever kind The past is seldom ever kind The past is seldom ever kind Tenderness will never show an honest face Happiness prefers you stupid in your place So, leave it behind, Tom, leave it behind The past is seldom ever kind The past is seldom ever kind The past is seldom ever kind Once a life in a sideshow A plan to escape from where you’d grown The blind will keep looking for the blind Now a wound pinned on your sleeve The plaintive stair, the fatal ennui Some things you must leave behind And tenderness will never show an honest face Happiness just wants you stupid in your place So, leave it behind, Tom, leave it behind The past is seldom ever kind The past is seldom ever kind The past is seldom ever kind
8.
Telephonia 02:40
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Whether or not is yet to come Tomorrow is always late Too busy hanging by the phone Waiting for a new kind of mental state Could you please call me? Reveal yourself, allow yourself Could you please love me? — I’m not inclined to be so morose Not a thrill has come to me No pleasure in my bed alone Staring at the ceiling in misery Is the only sex position I know Could you please call me? Reveal yourself, allow yourself Would you be so kind to wake me? — I’m tired of living comatose Journey through the mind of a sick man Plastic bag in the wind Sick of swimming in the quicksand Humor me. At least pretend Could you please call me? Reveal yourself, allow yourself Could you please love me? Would you, could you? Could you please?
9.
Shipwreck Sea 03:41
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You’re wet and kissing burning stars From the cruelty of my swinging heart Swimming toward the jagged shore You look for the gift and then you look for more On my swinging heart On my swinging heart A feeling not to be confused with pain Exorcise the demon again I’ve had some thoughts I can’t say they’re all good The worst of which I’m leaving to you And your swinging heart And your swinging heart Swinging hearts so carelessly Swing toward what will not be From these shallow graves we rise Slippery wisdom on the carpet lies To miss the boat, duck the clock Those hard burning stars have electric shock On our swinging hearts On our swinging hearts Swinging hearts so carelessly Swing toward what will not be Back and forth on a shipwreck sea Ever toward what will not be Ever toward what will not be
10.
Slow Burn 02:04
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In starlight sometimes... These days my life seems to walk away These days my skin seems to fall behind I am stretched between doors I’m in the slow burn of silence And the pain adores itself The pain adores itself In starlight sometimes... In my room I can hear your creeping voice In my room I can touch your traveling mind I am stretched upon your floor I’m in the slow, slow burn of silence And I tell myself it’s all the same It’s all the same It’s all the same
11.
A Chance to Laugh 03:36
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Remember a hungry boy Gone slow and confused Little worlds he could not own Precious days abused Married and left my town aflame But this life’s not run its course And tomorrow brings a chance to laugh Now it’s years ago Too many days have set You I don’t really remember But the pain I'll never forget Married and left my town aflame But this life’s not run its course And tomorrow bring a chance to laugh Amelia strong in the shallow stream Amelia dear with ambitious dreams Sometimes it lasts so long… First things almost never last Scars seem to hold forever Sometimes my freedoms and heavens Are something like better Married and left my town aflame But this life’s not run its course And tomorrow bring a chance to laugh Perhaps a waste of time Now the world must be at your feet I once thought it a failure But at night you must still feel the heat But at night you must still feel the heat But at night you must still feel my heat

about

I Want to Hold It So Close is a kind of time machine, melding the raw compositions and rehearsal sketches of a fledgling Dayton, Ohio, basement band in 1984 with fresh, 38-years-later vocal performances and arrangement flourishes.

In 1984, B Pictures was a newly formed quartet: Jim Harper played guitar, Paul Payiatis bass, Kevin Fennell drums, I sang (OK, more like a damaged animal wail) and added occasional synth touches. Songs were crafted in the round, each player contributing their part spontaneously and organically, caution thrown to the wind. We were together only briefly, appearing six times at Canal Street Tavern between January and August of 1985. Paul Comstock replaced Paul Payiatis mid-arc. After B Pictures, Fennell and Comstock would go on to play with Guided By Voices, me with The Pleasures Pale. The subsequent musical lives of Harper and Payiatis remain mysteries.

As an archival project, Hold It So Close began in 2021. While reviewing a cassette containing our earliest song documents, likely captured in Kevin Fennell’s basement with a single microphone or two microphones mixed to a 4-track cassette recorder, I was amazed at the liveliness and overall force of the playing. What the recordings lacked in clarity and fidelity, they made up in unbridled feel. Where they needed to be, band performances were tight, but loose enough to convey the meaning in my still developing lyrics — Harper bravely exploring the guitar space, Payiatis driving an unrelenting eighth-note bass pulse, Fennell anchoring the grooves with steady, sharp drumming and exciting tom fills.

What I heard in the tape was a collective effort informed by the music in the air at the time. The early strains of what would become known as “alternative rock” were evident: post-punk from the early-80’s UK scene, neo-psychedelia from this side of the Atlantic with hints of old-school punk, and the ever-present influence of The Velvet Underground. We were not shy about inhabiting these various musical personas for three-minutes at a time. Listening now to the finished product, I hear a thrilling alchemy of sounds echoing songs and albums I still hold dear.

The original recordings were intended to document our material, and to allow me to develop lyric, melody and phrasing outside of group rehearsals. What singing that did appear on the tapes was far from polished and largely unfinished. This mostly due to my still-developing ear and still-forming vocal skills. And the fact that we were churning out new songs at a rapid clip; for better or worse, quantity held sway over quality. To present any of these recordings accompanied by the “scratch” vocals would simply not do justice to the instrumental performances. As I continued listening, however, restoring and presenting these recordings began to feel more and more like an imperative — to honor the creative effort, to shine a light on my earliest songs, and to add one more thread to the late 20th Century Dayton music fabric.

Old showbiz wisdom has it that performers should never reveal what happens behind the curtain. So, I won’t! But I will say this: What did remain useable of my initial vocal tracks were the lyrics and melodic intent. Enough so to provide a blueprint for finishing the house we began building nearly four decades ago. With the completion and release of I Want to Hold It So Close I’m excited to shine a light on these eleven brilliant-in-my-eyes songs. Thank you, Jim. Thank you, Paul. Thank you, Kevin, for giving me a chance to pour out my soul — then and now.

Jeffrey Bright
1 July 2022

credits

released July 29, 2022

voice, keyboards – jeffrey bright
guitars – jim harper
bass guitar – paul payiatis
drums – kevin fennell
additional sounds – jeffrey bright

words – bright
music – harper, payiatis, fennell
except – 1, 7 music by harper

initial recording:
fennell basement and marcella house
dayton, ohio
1984–1985

tape transfer, restoration, additional recording, mixing, mastering:
JABMA
studio la casa
san francisco, california
2021–2022

cover art & design – jeffrey bright

c) 1984–1985 B Pictures
p) 2022 JABMA
Fugitive Music Publishing / BMI

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B Pictures Dayton, Ohio

Featuring future members of The Pleasures Pale and Guided by Voices, B Pictures made a brief but vibrant mark on the mid 1980s Dayton OH indie music scene. BP's sound grew from post-punk and neo-psychedelic movements of the period — a la Joy Division, Echo and the Bunnymen and Dream Syndicate — and eventually stretched into territories inhabited by literate song stylists such as The Smiths. ... more

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